Thursday, August 12, 2010


It's my last day here in Salmon Arm. After almost 2 and a half years, I finally made it back for a much needed visit with my BFF. I have spent 3 fabulous days wrapped up in the peacefulness of mountains and best friend love. What a combination.

Annie is one of the most amazing people I've ever had the honor of knowing. We met in an anger management class if you can believe that... to say that we get each other at the deepest levels of fear and vulnerability is an understatement. We almost live parallel lives. Same aged children, single parenting, huge hearts that often get bruised. But we trek on knowing we can trust and confide in at least one other in the world, who truly understands.

My life has changed drastically over the past decade. Much of that change included Annie holding my hand. Not to carry me along or drag me somewhere I didn't want to be or couldn't see. But to remind me that I'm loved and never alone. To offer the comfort of silent strength that only a BFF can offer.

We didn't see each other in the physical for years... yet I can honestly say that I didn't miss her. That sounds cold and really not BFF like. But the truth is, she lives in my heart. She's a part of my soul. My essence. She has walked this journey with me before this lifetime and I feel her around me every time I think of her. Sure, I miss hugging her and hearing her laugh in person and seeing her radiant face light up. But the love... her love... the beauty of her unconditional love... I wasn't without it for a moment. That feeling is what brings tears to my eyes as I write this.

I am blessed to have a best friend for sure. But how many of us can say we have a best friend who will always tell us the truth no matter what it sounds like?? How many of us have a BFF who love us unconditionally, regardless of the life choices we make. How lucky am I to have a friend who mirrors me on every level of my existence and isn't afraid to show me her truth and mine.

We've had our moments and the odd clashing... we're human. We've always come back to forgiveness and love. I have learned to love through this friendship. I have been inspired by her pain and healing. I have come to accept myself as I attempt to see me through her eyes. She has taught me so much without even knowing that she was doing it. When I try to tell her how friggin amazing she is... she is simply humbled. That just makes her even more awesome.

But I'm leaving her today and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm sad to leave the warmth of her loving home and physical being. But I'm ecstatic at the thought of seeing my babies. And I know that she is just as excited and happy for me. And she will stay in that place of joy for me before she goes to her own pain of missing me as I leave. Another reason why I love her so.

3 days... white wine... great food... good laughs... tequila... karaoke... new friends... old souls... sweet tears... love... open hearts... and a whole lot of gratitude. It's a good thing we never say goodbye...

Farewell Annie... Je t'aime Mon Amie

Sunday, August 1, 2010


In the silence I can hear you
Loud and clear
The thoughts that I dare not speak
For fear they might actually manifest.

In the silence I feel you
The ache of loneliness
The chills of not having
What I've been taught to consider a need.

In the silence I taste you
The bitter sweetness
The blessing of sacred silence.

In the silence I desire you
The dreams and hopes
Locked away in my hearts vault
Waiting to find freedom.

In the silence I miss you
The endless laughter
The calm within my storm.

In the silence I see me
The real me
In all my truth and imperfection.

In the silence I accept me
Flawed and pained
Scarred and uncertain
Awaiting assurance.

In the silence I embrace me
In all my doubt and strife
With divine fortitude.

In the silence I love me.
Always unconditionally.